I cheated.

Not in a physical manner. And not anytime recently. But before my husband – with my husband – for many years.

In my marriage, we are cheesy and romantic and we are best friends. (I know, vomit…) but we are – so deal with it. We share everything with each other and he is always my first call whenever anything big (or small) happens in my day.

But I haven’t always had relationships like that. Actually – before Sean, I never have. In any relationship I have been in since I was 15 years old – I never saw my significant other as my “person”. That’s because that is the year  I met my person; Sean. But it took us 7 years and many other failed relationships to end up together. In those seven years, I was in many relationships, all of which obviously failed. I could sit here and tell you all the faults of those boys and why it was their fault we didn’t work out – but 50% of that would be a lie. It never worked out because I wouldn’t let it. Sure, it had a lot to do with the guys who couldn’t grow up, the ones who couldn’t be faithful, and couldn’t treat me like a human being…but my heart was never fully in it. In each of those relationships, I always had two leading men; my boyfriend & Sean.

When you are really, truly happy in a relationship – you don’t go looking for attention, affection, sex, or happiness, from anybody else. Sean was always the guy who could make me happy. Just with a simple good morning text or a random phone call. He never expected anything in return and he never treated me like I was lesser than him. Not ever. Sean and I have never done anything I would feel embarrassed to admit to. We were never intimate or even shared our feelings for each other until we were both single and ready to start our life together. But secretly, he was always my “what if” guy. Anytime it got serious with someone else, I’d compare them to my best friend, Sean, and would have to decide if they could make me happy the same way Sean could if I ever gave him the chance.

When you find your person, they become the only person you need. As a spouse, it is part of our commitment to fulfill each other in all of those ways, even when there are hard times – we are here to understand, encourage, and fight for one another. It has been 3 years and I can honestly still say that I don’t regret closing my heart out to so many people. I never got over my “what if” guy – and it led me to immense happiness and the most wonderful marriage I have ever heard of.

We are not perfect, but our marriage is. Our marriage and our beliefs may not work for everyone, but they work for us. I love him more today than I ever have, but not as much as I ever will. The best is always ahead of us and we always continue to live by our own rules.

  • Never do or say anything you wouldn’t want your significant other to find out. Whether it is a sexual affair or not-so-innocent messages you are sending. Cheating is cheating. Mind, body, soul.
  • Never stop dating each other. Never stop doing the little things that you did before you were married.
  • Have sex. Not every day, not all the time. Healthy sex life makes for a healthy marriage!
  • EMBRACE THE SELFIE. My husband has learned to just smile when my phone comes out 🙂
  • Take vacations together. Go somewhere new each time or find one place you love and visit often.
  • Go out your way to make your spouse smile and laugh. Put their happiness as your priority.
  • Dance together. I am the worst dancer ever, but for some reason he still makes me dance. And I love it – sometimes.
  • Support one another – and each other’s sports teams. (Unless that means changing your own – in which case… friendly rivalries can be fun!)
  • COMMUNICATE. Say it with me – COM. MUN. I. CATE. Can’t express this enough!!! Communication is key in any relationship, at any level!

It took us ten years to get where we are today, but I wouldn’t change a minute of it. Thank you for being my person since day one. Thank you for loving me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. You annoy the fuck out of me sometimes, but you alone make me 200% happy. Thank you for this once in a lifetime love.

XOXO, Shelby


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